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Thursday, December 27, 2007

Mommy Guilt

Warning - no picture post...just a rambling post!

When I found out I was pregnant with Emery, I immediately felt guilty. How was this going to affect Teagun? Would he understand? etc. I loved being able to give him 100% of my attention and him getting 100% of attention from his grandparents and aunts/uncles who he adores. We had always wanted two kids, so I knew there would be a time this was going to happen, but I guess I just wasn't totally ready yet (that happens with surprises, huh???) :) Honestly, I shed a lot of tears throughout my pregnancy over this. People kept telling me that this was the best gift we could be giving him and he'd be just fine. And now a month later, I know that is the truth. He is so great with Emery and so worried about her when she cries. He likes to give her hugs and kisses and I can already tell how much she is going to adore him - her eyes seem to brighten a little whenever he comes around (or maybe she is just shocked at his noisey-ness!). Nonetheless, he hasn't missed a beat - he is still the same kid he was before Emery; fun-loving, happy, silly. And that makes mommy so happy!!!

Tomorrow is Teagun's last day at daycare and, yet again, I am having major "mommy guilt". You wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal, but he has been at the same daycare with the same teacher now since he was 10 weeks old. He loves it there (and we love it there too). He has been hanging out with a lot of the same group of kids the entire time and when you ask him "what did you do at school today?" his first response is always, "Played with Erianna, Wyatt, Michelle, Sophia, Laura, etc." He loves his friends/teachers at daycare. For those who don't know, I am going part-time after my maternity leave and will just be working 2 days a week so we have hired someone to come to the house to watch the kids those two days. I am SOOO excited to be able to spend more time with Teagun and I know it will all turn out just fine and he honestly probably will not even remember. Just like he won't remember life before Emery. So why does it have to be so hard on me then?!?!?

I will probably look back on both of these instances down the road and laugh about how guilty I felt, but man, being a mommy can be stressful!!! If only these were the most stressful instances we encounter in his life! :)

I love you, Teagun!!!!


Jami said...

I can relate to how you're feeling after pulling Zack out for my 12 week leave. He loves his daycare too and hasn't missed it one bit. He has adjusted fine to staying home. It has been 10 weeks so far.

He is going to LOVE having you home more often and I think you're so lucky to find someone to come to your home.

Try not to beat yourself up. He'll be just fine!

Christina said...

I exactly relate to your entire story! Unfortunately, I'm not going part time but I know I'd have the same feelings as you about leaving if I ever did that.

Stacey said...

I so know how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant with #2 we decided for my husband to be a stay-at-home-dad and pulled Owen from the daycare that he loved. I still feel guilty that he doesn't get to play with his buddies anymore, but it's nice knowing all the quality time he's spending with daddy and his soon-to-be new baby brother.

Take care and enjoy being home part time with your little ones!

Amanda said...

You're doing a great job, Jaidean! You can't do anything more than make the best choices you can with the options you have. No matter what, you love the heck out of those kids and that's what matters at the end of the day. :::Hugs:::